life........

I just got in from swinging.....yes it's 30 degrees out and after midnight and I was swinging. I've written before that swinging helps me clear my mind and think about things and tonight I definitely needed time away to think. These past few weeks have been unbelievably crazy and at times I find myself feeling lost and uncertain what to do. I'm not a person who cries often but I've cried more in the past few weeks than I have in the past few years. I hate crying, especially in front of people. Tonight I cried three times, two of those times were almost in front of people so I had to get away quickly. Why do I think crying makes me look weak?

I know we aren't always supposed to understand why things happen they way they do but sometimes I just want answers. I did a lot of talking to God tonight while I was swinging. I was hoping for some sort of clarity or answer when I got done......that didn't happen. All I felt was the urge to continue on. I guess that's all I really can do. Life isn't in my control. I don't get to decide what happens when or who it happens to. I can't make people listen to me or do what I want them to just because I think my way is the right way. All I can do is trust that God is in control and He knows what is best for my life. So I'm going to trust. It's hard, so very very hard sometimes but I'm going to do it. After all, The Bible says all we need is faith the size of a mustard seed and we can move mountains.......